Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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