last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
