You work out of a Hotel?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
