Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
