I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize