Can Purell be used as lube?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
