My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
