Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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