i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
