some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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