Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize