You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
