She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
