i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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