Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
