I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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