I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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