I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
