well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
