His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
