Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
