I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize