just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
