he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
