your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
