Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
