i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
