Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
