so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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