I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
