Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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