Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
