dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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