i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
