My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
