finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
