I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
