It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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