The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
