No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
