Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
