Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
