i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
