I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize