WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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