you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
