you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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