I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
