Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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