hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
