At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my poor anus
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
