I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
