The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
