I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
