i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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