life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
