11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
