Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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