My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
