Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
