It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
