How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
