Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
