A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
