Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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