Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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