i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
