Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
