Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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