P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize