put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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