Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
