I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
