How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
