first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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