I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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