im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
