its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
