So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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