8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Too much gin, very little bucket
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
