I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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