I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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