apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
