after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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