When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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