Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
