I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she pinky promised me she was 18
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
