just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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