I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
