You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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