I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize