i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
