oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
