So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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