Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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